What Were Your Parents Thinking?

Being in education, I’ve come across several names that are, well, just plain crazy.   Having grown up with a last name like Hooker, I heard all sorts of jokes as you might imagine.  My sister, Anita, had an even worse time of things (go ahead, say it out loud and you’ll figure out why).  One of the first questions I always get is “what were your parents thinking?”

Since my parents never could come up with a believable answer to that question, it inspired me to look for other names out there that might prompt the same question.  What follows is a list of some of the names that either I, other educators, facebook friends, or twitter followers have come across in their lives.  I realize this has nothing to do with technology aside from the fact that social media is great for even the minutia (credit Dean Shareski for that one)

To keep this in some sort of orderly fashion, I’ll list these in categories:

Food Related Category: 

I’m not sure why parents like to name their kid after food items.   Maybe it’s America’s fascination with eating. Perhaps it’s what was on the menu the night of inception.  Who knows, but here goes:

Candy Cane

Pepper Mint (I think these two were related)

Cinnamon Danish – A middle school student from Sweetwater

Brocolli (I kid you not, can’t remember who told me this, but at least it’s a break from

the sweet names)

OrangeJello (or-ange-ello) and LemonJello (Le-mange-ello) – Again, relatives.

Mister Alfredo (Actual spelling – Not quite a food, but close)

Razi Berry (pronounced like raspberry)

Alternate Spellings and Pronunciations:

I’m not talking about adding a “y” in Robyn or anything either.  I’m talking blatant disregard for the English dictionary.

Butiful Mellody (supposed to be “Beautiful Melody”)

La-A (pronounced La-dash-ah)

Neveah (Heaven spelled backwards)

Nirmal (wonder how normal this kid will turn out)

Espn (Pronounced Es-Pin)

ABC (Pronounced uh-bee-cee)

ABCDE (Pronounced Ab-sud-ee)

Pajama (Pronounced paj-ee-may)

CacheMonet (Pronounced like “Cash Money”)

Name, Profession or Both?

Bus Drivers – Mrs. Sippi (probably not a good name for a bus driver) and Mr. Safety (much better name for a bus driver)

OB/GYN – Dr. Cassinova and Dr. Hurt – Which one would you go to as a woman?

Kindergarten teacher – Mrs. Gizzlebox – Just sounds like a teacher’s name.

And of course, Dick Chopp – A famous local urologist who’s motto is “There’s more vasectomies to be done”. Seriously.  Here’s his site: http://www.urologyteam.com/?q=dr-richard-chopp

Family trends:

A family of three named: Lamblight, Moonbeam and Starshine

Another family of three: Sir Galliant, Sir Courage, Sir Valiant

Twins: Dorothy and Dorothea

Ima and Eura Hogg – Former Governor of Texas Jim Hogg’s daughters

April May – Her last name was June ‘

Three girls – Today, Tomorrow, and Yesterday

The Liss Family – Ruth and Dick

Literal Names?

Justin Case

Ferrel Hogg (no relation to Jim from above)

Howard E Butts (Founder of the famous H.E.B. grocery store – probably a better name than Butts Market)*

Pearl Harbor

John The Baptist (that’s his first name)

Your Highness

Orion Starr

Borderline Inappropriate Category:

Already mentioned my sister Anita Hooker – Especially fun when a principal calls her down to the office, comes out like  “I need a hooker to the office”

Richard Blower

Richard Head

Harry Wong

Harry Dick (Senator)

Marcus Pucci

Phil McKrackin

Phillip Ajarapoo (a teacher in Round Rock)

Shitthead (pronounced shi-thead)

While all these give me more inspiration than every to name my next child “@” or “Google”, I think with a name like Hooker he/she will have a hard enough time.  Finally, I bring you one more late addition:

Batman Bin Suparman

This one actually comes with a picture of a driver’s license:

Thanks to contributers Chris Parker, Jolynn Rettig, @Kristy_Vincent, AJ Muller, Mary Ries, Shawn Clark, Sean Forkner, Joan Hughes, @computerExplore aka Lisa Johnson, Jim Ford, Sheri Ford, Shawn Clark, Donyle Clark, Karen French, Tracy Lord, Sue St. Germain, Jane Mullen, Catherine Searcy-Edmund and of course, my sister, Anita.

*Thanks to Molly May for pointing out that Harry E. Butts of HEB fame, is actually Howard E. Butts